Fear of Numbers

Hello from Miami! Isn’t the Internet a beautiful thing? I’ll be sharing lots of pretty pictures with you guys soon. In the mean time, I’d like to take a moment to declare this “Serious Saturday” <– Can we make that a thing?

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There’s an issue that’s been lying heavy on my heart since I went to the doctor the other day. It has literally been months since I last weighed myself. I’m at a point in my life where I feel great and honestly don’t care about the number on the scale. However, it took a while for me to get there.

I know for some of us, numbers are triggers. Because I was so obsessive in the past, just the thought of counting calories gives me anxiety. So does knowing how much I weigh, which is why I’ve avoided the scale. When I went to the doctor this week I stepped on the scale for the first time in months. To be honest, I didn’t even want to know how much I weighed but it’s kind of hard not to look when it’s right in front of your face.

I won’t say any numbers but I weigh less now than I did in high school. And you know what? I don’t care. If this was a few months ago, I would probably be jumping for joy and doing my happy dance.

IMG_3243This is my, “Is it worth it, lemme work it” – Missy Elliot
(I also squeal when I get really excited but I’ll save myself some embarrassment.)

I used to have this idea that I’d be happy once I reached a certain weight. Sure I’m happy now, but it’s for different reasons.

Does the number on the scale tell anyone about my accomplishments? My closest relationships? My ability to help and love others? My passions and dreams? Last time I checked, you couldn’t calculate these beautiful things in life with a number.

So for me… I’d rather measure more important things in my life: My level of happiness. The quality of my relationships. The quality of my workouts because I’m fueling my body with proper and adequate nutrition and not starving myself to look a certain way. The fact that I haven’t been to the doctor in over a year (ever since I started eating healthy) when I used to get sick almost four times per year.

I refuse to let a number define who I am.

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11 thoughts on “Fear of Numbers

  1. Love this!! I’m easily triggered by numbers which is why I avoid them at all costs. I haven’t weighed myself in a full year and I’m better that way. I hope to someday reach this point that you’re at now though where you have no emotion towards that number- that’s a sign of a truly healthy mindset. Thanks for the reminder girl ❤

  2. I love this post. It’s so inspiring that you’ve come so far. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of being able to let go of the numbers, and I can’t wait until I’m on the other side!

    • I was also at that point for a while. I won’t lie… I still sometimes teeter on the edge (hence why I wrote this blog post). The thoughts still cross my mind, it’s just much easier to dismiss them now thankfully!

  3. I LOVE this post! I never weigh myself. Even when I’m at the doctors, I ask them to not tell me my weight because I refuse to let a stupid number make me have negative thoughts about myself. I’m so glad you’ve reached a point where you feel the same (twinsies!) and feel happy and comfortable with yourself. You’re taking charge of your health and doing what is best for your body, relationships, and sanity!! The scale can’t tell you anything but your numerical relationship to gravity and you are so much more than that :).

    Love ya girlie <2

    • EXACTLY. We are sooooo much more than just a number… and obviously what you said applies to you too — twinsies! You’re so right. My relationships, body & life in general are so much better now that I don’t stress out about this stuff (and also because I don’t snap at them bc I haven’t eaten enough hahaha) ❤

  4. It’s weird.. numbers can mess with our heads! I used to weigh myself everyday at one point and it honestly probably decided on how I would feel that day/ wear/ and maybe even eat! Numbers don’t mean happiness, healthy does!

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